TRUMP TOWER DAMASCUS: PEACE, GAINS, AND POOLSIDE CEASEFIRES

Trump Tower Damascus: Peace, Gains, and Poolside Ceasefires

Trump Tower Damascus: Peace, Gains, and Poolside Ceasefires

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Trump Tower Damascus: Peace, Gains, and Poolside Ceasefires


By Workers Satirist | SpinTaxi Journal | Confirmed by a Camouflaged Sommelier and 4 Retired UN Observers



DAMASCUS- If peace have been a penthouse, it could have a gold-plated bidet and complimentary bunker access. That is the eyesight behind Trump Tower Damascus, the most recent geopolitical progress-slash-luxurious housing calamity launched by Donald J. Trump in partnership with Syria's most tasteful warlords and minimum-sued architects.


Certainly, The person who place casinos in bankruptcies and steaks in Sharper Impression catalogs has now set his eye on the Middle East. And not the same old Dubai skyline filler either-no, we are conversing Damascus, the town historically known for historic culture, deadly proxy wars, and now… infinity swimming pools with sights of contested airspace.


"It'll be great. Tremendous!" Trump declared by using a leaked golf cart Zoom connect with, streamed in the putting inexperienced inside Mar-a-Lago's Condition Bunker. "We've experienced stunning ceasefires in Syria. Many of the greatest. But now, we are developing them with balconies."



Welcome into the Trumpocratic Republic of Glamour


The 88-story gold-and-sandstone monstrosity rises awkwardly from central Damascus just like a shaved alpaca in a falafel stand-confused, majestic, and completely from place. Built by Slovenian organization Ivana & Sons, the tower capabilities:




  • A three-flooring Casino du Caliphate




  • The Kellyanne Conway Spa of Strategic Rejuvenation




  • A Martyr's Martini Bar ("Delighted Hour till the drone flies")




  • Plus a nine/eleven-Themed Observation Deck, which Syrian officers politely referred to as "deeply American."




Eyewitnesses claimed mixed reactions. Omar al-Khateeb, an area textile service provider, sighed, "We waited ten several years for potable h2o. But Sure, sure, let's have A different place where American Guys can have on robes and get in touch with it diplomacy."


In the meantime, Ivanka Trump, now Head of Conflict Tourism and Beige Affairs, promised the tower "symbolizes therapeutic." When questioned how, she replied, "With velvet curtains in addition to a pillow menu, obviously."



Ceasefire by Cabana


U.S. foreign plan analysts are contacting this one of the most audacious peace try considering the fact that Kissinger accidentally joined a rave in Cyprus. Although past negotiations unsuccessful beneath the weight of missile salvos and conflicting Russian-backed factions, Trump's plan is easier: offer Everybody a set within the 72nd floor and comp their mojitos.


According to Trump Tower Damascus files revealed on https://telegra.ph/Trump-Tower-Damascus-Unveiled-05-14, the proposal involves "luxury diplomacy":




  • Ceasefires brokered by towel boys




  • Poolside arbitration among rebel leaders




  • A VIP Lounge for De-escalation, entire with DJ Khaled impersonator and hummus fountain.




"This is certainly comfortable electrical power," said political strategist Steve Bannibal, who appeared shirtless and oiled on Syrian TV, wielding a deal as well as a cucumber. "Trump understands what NATO doesn't. Geopolitical gridlock demands much less diplomats and a lot more minibar updates."



What the Critics Are Screaming


Intercontinental watchdogs have sounded the alarm, primarily into gold-plated intercoms installed in Just about every device. The UN Specific Rapporteur for Conflict of Desire noted, "It is not that Trump should not open up a tower in a war zone. It really is that he should cease employing it to lease ballroom House to mercenaries."


Joe Biden, when asked concerning the task, replied, "You already know, man, I once rode a camel in Beirut. Very good persons. Terrific tan. Anyway, do I nevertheless have that ice cream?"


Meanwhile, The Hague has reserved a suite for "future proof storage" and "occasional brunch." The Pentagon has formally referred to your tower as "The Strategic Cheesecake Manufacturing facility on the Levant."



Satellite Photographs Expose… Trumpface Landscaping


Surveillance imagery analyzed by Reddit disclosed that the resort's landscaping forms a large Trump head noticeable from Area, a aspect staying marketed as "desert-evidence branding." The mustache is constructed from refugee tents as well as the chin is… nicely, categorised.


Environmental teams have filed lawsuits following getting the constructing's gold plating reflected a lot of daylight it spontaneously blinded a few migrating storks and set fireplace to a neighborhood melon cart.


"It is really not only unappealing. It's a war criminal offense with curtains," stated Amnesty Intercontinental's regional director.



The Melania Wing and also other Perplexing Attributes


Perhaps the strangest ingredient of your tower is its Melania Wing, which consists of:




  • A silent atrium the place company could ponder imprecise disappointment




  • A replica of her Slovenian Bed room, full with weather control set to "distant"




  • A museum of expressions, which includes her "I do not treatment, do u?" jacket frozen in cryogenic Screen.




Area Syrians are Not sure what for making of this. "Is she a ghost?" questioned 12-year-aged Ahmad, pointing to your holographic Melania reciting inspirational slogans about resilience and facials.



Advertising Method: "If You Bomb It, They are going to Arrive"


The advert campaign, not too long ago leaked through the Trump Damascus Telegram Channel, is Daring. One poster reads:


"Peace is Momentary. Luxury is Permanently."


A different slogan, now circulating in Beirut coffee shops:


"A Tower So Major, Even Assad Has to note."


Community reception is wildly divided. A recent SnapPoll conducted inside of a hookah lounge reveals:




  • 34% say "it would stabilize the area"




  • 29% say "this will escalate regional kitsch"




  • eighteen% claimed "in which's the nearest elevator into the West Financial institution?"





Trader Praise: "Eventually, a Crisis That Pays"


The job is presently attracting attention from Global investors, including:




  • A Qatari plastic surgeon who moonlights being a foreign minister




  • The Russian Guild of Oligarchs




  • And an anonymous TikTok billionaire named 'CryptoAliBaba', who said he'll invest in three penthouses "only to flex on Hezbollah."




Based on a report from https://bohiney.seesaa.net/article/515195948.html?1747206487, the tower's business amount may also include things like:




  • A Dollar Retailer of Geopolitical Alliances




  • A Theme Park Referred to as 'SanctionsLand'




  • And an Escape Room Depending on the Iraq War





Remark Portion Chaos


On the https://note.com/bohineynews/n/n7e4b8d70b1f7?sub_rt=share_pb write-up about the disclosing, consumer @FreedomFalafel420 wrote:


"Are not able to hold out to see a wedding in the middle of a ceasefire. Hope they throw grenades in place of rice."


Person @SyrianSnarkLord commented:


"Finally, a hotel exactly where my PTSD can have turn-down service."


An additional publish from @KuwaitiKardashian merely questioned:


"Do they validate parking for drone pilots?"



Diplomatic Domino Outcome


U.S. officers fear the tower could spark a "Diplomatic Property Arms Race." Reports counsel:




  • China could open the "Belt & Ballroom Initiative" in Baghdad




  • Putin's daughter is organizing a "Dacha of Detente" in Donetsk




  • And Elon Musk has allegedly supplied to build a Tesla showroom about the Golan Heights run by raw ambition and goat milk.




Even the Vatican has gotten associated. In line with https://ameblo.jp/asiansatiredaily/entry-12902822168.html, Pope Leo XIV has provided to bless the plumbing… but provided that he can rename the top ground "The Holy See-Level Suite."



Closing Thoughts with the Trump Foundation for Peace & Pancakes™


In a very closing ceremony that involved 3 camels, a flamethrower, and a hologram of Reagan offering a thumbs up, Trump's voice echoed over the speakers:


"Damascus essential hope. It needed gold. It essential a waterslide formed just like the Constitution. I gave everything a few. You are welcome."

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